You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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