You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
