And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
