I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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