who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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