You're my little dorito
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize