that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
