Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
