just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
