At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
