I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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