so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
