my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
