she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
