Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
