oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Randomize
