He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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