I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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