Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
