Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
