I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
