I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
