Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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