wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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