apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
