How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
