oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize