..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
