Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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