Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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