1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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