90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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