Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
