Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
