Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize