I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
