I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize