i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
