so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
