I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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