I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
