if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
