You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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