i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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