you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
