i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
