You're my little dorito
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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