I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
