i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize