So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
