I cannot find my penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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