so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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