He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
