I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
