question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
