Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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