O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
