pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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