I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize