he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
