the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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