He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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