Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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