so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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