Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
