We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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