Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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