and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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