I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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